I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
