wrigley field is MILF paradise
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
