I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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