My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just found puke in my bra..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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