Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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