he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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