I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
