Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
