he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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