if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
