Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize