I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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