If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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