half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize