Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize