best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
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