Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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