Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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