How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
