Sponge bath it is.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
