You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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