Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we're so committed to being not committed
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