How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
