ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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