Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
