FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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