thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
