I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
