The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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