So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
