new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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