Tell her she can't have a vagina
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
