I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
