Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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