Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
