Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
