And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
