She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
