He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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