Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
