whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Jerry, you need to find god
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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