You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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