chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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