I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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