Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
