He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
