You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
