I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
