the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
