can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
