im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
wow bdsm is so cute
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
