I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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