Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
