even my farts smell like vagina
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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