I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
