Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
