Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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