Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
