Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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