By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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