remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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