I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
