I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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