nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
