But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sext me about skeletons
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
