Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
