I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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