Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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