I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
