My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
