do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
