You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
