No stitches, just platelets and will power
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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