Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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